I have this fantasy often. Aliens come in, and are like
“Whilst we find the creative potential of your species commendable, the Gini Coefficient of your Planet is too high for you to join our Federation. Please rectify.”
And then every month they just post the names and active addresses of all the wealthiest people on the planet, until the Gini Index goes down. The implementation of this transition is left as an exercise to the reader.
I’ve seen too many alien-themed horror movies to buy into the “aliens are gonna be Vulcans” trope. I think it’s more likely that we see one of many variations on the “aliens are unknowable horrifying parasites that will consume/transform all life on the planet to suit themselves.”
I live in the hope that they’re so evolved that they literally need nothing from us, and just want to preserve the ants nest of humanity as an anthropological curiosity
I like the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy version: Earth has been scheduled for demolition by the Vogons in what really amounts to be an interstellar boondoggle!
My dream is for The Culture to stop by for a visit. They just scan everything and make digital copies of the entire civilization’s total output, become fans of our TV shows, dance to our music, read our books, learn our entire history, then disguise themselves as humans to come down to see the real thing for themselves, view our natural wonders, party hard, and do little things to help us fix ourselves.
ISTR that canonically, Earth is under non-interference by The Culture (except for Special Circumstances) as a “control group”.
Sadly they also aren’t real. Probably.
Space hippies!!!
If a civilization that has mastered FTL shows up we are fucked. The best odds for survival are jumping to their side because they could destroy us easily. Maybe we’ll get lucky and it will be a civilization of space amazons who want to use us for sex stuff.
Death by snu snu!
The spirit is willing, but the flesh is bruised and spongy.
If we get invaded by aliens, I’m immediately defecating.
No shit
yes shit
Oh shit!
Tough shit.
Easy shit
Good thinking. The probe goes in easier when you empty you bowels.
I see what you did there
Should have worn the brown pants.
deleted by creator
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
You can probe me anytime 😏
The tip is the worst part
deleted by creator
The aliens:
Interstellar bootlicking
Yep I’m defecting. A third of my own countrymen hate me, so fuck 'em. Gimme the alien tech.
After the pandemic, Im so done with half this country.
I get what you’re trying to say but its not half. Republican turnout has always been higher than leftist turnout. Its probably a third. Thats still a third too high though I know.
If the other two thirds armed up and did their fucking job we wouldnt have Nazis now
The same for the rise of the machines
@LadyButterfly aliens will not invading us. They buy popcorn and watching how we kill each other.
Sad but true
@LadyButterfly I have said it for at least six years. Aliens, demons, Lovecraftian dark deities… I would pick their side in case of invasion because I have seen human society long enough (and it was BEFORE events from last years).
TO SERVE MAN
Ye Wenjie is that you?
book two: do not make a peep, never let anyone in the universe know you exist
spoilers:
book three: we made a group chat with all the intelligent life in the universe, wanna hit restart a fuck up s new universe with multiple time dimensions?
As a warhammer 40k enthusiast i have to hard pass. Space fascism, while entertaining in fantasy, is kind of very disgusting.
Arent the space fascists human, though?
Pretty sure it’s space fascist all the way down. There are no good guys in the 40k universe
Aren’t Jokaeros basically just vibing?
Jokaeros are in this special section of space fascism, where the human space fascists think the Jokaeros are chill enough to keep around as pets and little helpers.
Yes but also the other comment. WH40K is full of different breeds of god damn awful. All of them pretty fashy.
Humans seem to be by far the worst
What about the Orks and literal demons? Their elves also suck balls and i am a friggin xenophile. The whole universe is a mess and everbody being unlikable cunts is some of the charm but to be honest everyone in that universe is nuts.
Orks don’t have enough structure to be called Fascist (They’re really the universes fastest assembling and most violent flash mob) and Chaos is closer to an absolute anarchy than fascism. Humans and space dwarves are probably the closest to fascism.
Tau would be totalarian communism, and the tyranids would just be completely amoral true socialists? Maybe? I honestly don’t know what to even liken them to.
Edit: changed monarchy to anarchy.
They’re a heirarchy based entirely on the idea that might makes right that enjoys slavery just to be mean, where the war bosses control religion, state, and production.
They’re not just space fascists, they’re space fascists stripped of all pretension. People call them “soccer hooligans” now because they forgot their actual inspirations were Nazi skinheads, and the original models often reflect that.
For example, guess what the “Stormboyz” used to look like?
Well yeah but the orks don’t really know anything else. It’s literally all they do and can do. They seem to be the only ones who have a good time. Humans choose to be fascists space conquerors
Lol, so you’re not siding with the humans then. At least some of the aliens aren’t space fascists…
The post is talking about siding with invading aliens because “humans bad”. I said, i am not so sure about it, might be fascists. Now you tell me some aliens from 40k are not fascists which is all stuff not contradicting each other.
Id still consider it pretty bad to unconditionally support invaders as invading seems pretty fash to me.
If we ever get invaded by aliens, we’ll just be their lab rats. They won’t enslave us, because not efficient. They ain’t here for our resources, that’s the lamest thing to do. They ain’t coming here to erase us from existence, because the universe is mostly void, so our existence doesn’t matter to them, we occupy insignificant space in that.
Lots of assumptions there, let’s hope if it ever happens that they are less douchebags that we are
They might want the resources of earth.
There is also a chance they might want to hunt and/or rape us for the fun of it.
Nothing material on earth you can’t find everywhere else, the only things we have that aren’t incredibly plentiful elsewhere are earths unique biology and human culture. Both of which can also be obtained without us ever knowing about it. The only logical reason to invade is ideological so if we ever meet hostile aliens they’re either genocidal zealots or a bunch of sadists.
