I won’t be responding again, but you seriously need to consider mental help.

I’m not sure what else you have going on, but there is clearly a lot happening. You clearly need more hobbies or something

Seriously, go join a Meetup, go hiking, etc

You don’t need nicotine to relax. You just need something to distract you. And that’s coming from someone who used to stress every night…

The way you’re responding is a serious concern that makes you sound like a suicide risk honestly. Maybe you need a change of environment