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Joined 2 years ago
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Cake day: June 9th, 2023

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  • I’ll give you one more chance to quit moving the goalposts.

    In most of these situations, the abuser is putting on a face. This happened to me, so I speak from experience. I married a wonderful woman, and over time she became more controlling, snappier, wanted me to spend less and less time with my parents/siblings/friends until any mention of them made her angry, etc, etc… To the point that I was isolated completely with no support system when the violence started.

    Point is, the person that becomes the abuser rarely shows their true colors until the victim is already heavily invested, especially when they’re “trapped” with kids or other things.


  • Fear is an extremely powerful motivator. I’m going to assume you haven’t had to deal with that personally before, so I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt, but fear in these situations can absolutely cause people to defend their abusers, else they get beaten and/or raped again for not “taking his side”. My wife was in that situation in her last marriage; if he wanted sex, she could either just go with it so she didn’t get beaten, or she could say “no”, at which point he would get angry and rape her anyway.

    Being isolated with zero support system and then being shamed (like you’re doing) for just trying to survive is what keeps those women in those situations.