I relate to that so much. A bit more introspection might be a good thing for me.

Regarding the cognitive dissonance, I feel you. I’m still averse to wearing or even trying to wear certain types of clothing. It feels inauthentic and as if I’m some sort of imposter. I know these things are not true, but it’s hard to shake the feeling. Some of that is due to humiliations I’ve endured by so-called friends, when all I was trying to do was try something new, which was appropriate for the weather and social setting. I no longer wear shorts, even when the temps hit close to triple digits, and am afraid of wearing dresses and skirts. I don’t want to experience those feelings ever again. So instead, I stick with femme fitting jeans and shirts. The worst I hear from that is that my style is so limited, and that I should try new things. In other aspects of my life, I’m quite adventurous. But when it comes to certain feminine things, I am afraid of being judged harshly, especially by those that supposedly care about me.