I’ve been more active in online spaces recently and I am just astounded at the number of times I’ll be several comments deep with another person and a man will just jump in responding to us both with the least relevant most inflammatory take. The gender of the person I’m talking to is never relevant, but it’s always a guy that interjects. I know the internet is a public forum, and I guess there’s more guys on some platforms than women, but it’s just shocking how often it has happened. We’ll be talking about baking and some guy will come in and say that it actually costs more to bake bread at home or clothes and some guy will come in to say actually both our styles are bad. It’s not even a sexist thing I don’t think, I just think women are socialized more with a live and let live mentality and men are socialized to believe that everyone should hear their opinion. I don’t really have any solutions. I always want to reply with something snarky about how we’re not asking him or how his comment doesn’t need to be shared, but I don’t want to invite harassment. Their comments get upvotes or reacts in agreement and it just feels targeted. Like two people were having a casual chat and this guy comes in and derails and gets positive attention for it. I’m just venting now because it just happened in a gaming discord and I don’t really have people irl who understand how these communities are helpful and how that kind of community reaction is ostracizing.
Yea, I looked through some previous posts on this community and guys seem to be negatively responding to the mod when she politely informs them not to comment. They are the ones breaking the rules and when she tells them they get mad. Really sad to see.
I agree regarding the blocking, but it sucks because a bunch of other guys don’t understand why. So when I want to play a team game and I tell people in a relevant gaming space that I don’t play with a specific person it looks like I’m the bad guy. I know I’m not in the wrong, but now I’m stuck either alienating potential friends if I don’t explain further or spending time and energy explaining something they may not understand. It’s exhausting. I know that the guys aren’t trying to be rude when they ask why, but it’s alienating. I’m sure I’m preaching to the choir here, but male dominated online spaces can be rough even if the majority are relatively normal. Unless they go the extra step from normal to actually understanding the female perspective they are almost contributing to the issue. It’s not a if you’re not with me you’re against me thing, but it really feels like if you’re not with me from the start it’s an uphill battle.
Literally every single other community is a place where men are allowed to post and weigh-in freely.
The moment a women-only community shows up and requests that they not input here, they lose their fucking minds.
I don’t buy the “ummm we’re outraged because you’re being sexist!”–thing. Nah. Nah, that ain’t it. They’re outraged because a boundry has been drawn for them. Because we asked them to respect a space and they don’t want to. Because they feel they have a right to say something, even if we politely shut the door and say “This room is a women’s meeting place! You’re not allowed in here! Thank you!” They start pounding on the door, screaming in the hallways, trying to pick the lock…
…What the fuck?
Men: GO AHEAD AND MAKE YOUR OWN MEN-ONLY COMMUNITY TO DISCUSS MEN-CENTRIC ISSUES! We will support it and respectfully stay out of that space! It’s yours!!!