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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2025-04-20 04:00:07+00:00.

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I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/throwra_numbers123

Originally posted to r/AITAH

AITA for being furious that my husband and his mother hid that she lost her pension to a scam and now expect me to financially support her?

Thanks to u/SloshingSloth & u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU

Trigger Warnings: scams, financial infidelity, exploitation

Mood Spoilers: frustrating

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Original Post: Apr 11, 2025

Disclosure: I used AI to make it vague, fix Grammer and hide identifying information.

So, my MIL (mid 50’s) has always been a bit… much. She’s a lifelong hypochondriac, constantly convinced she’s dying, despite doctors telling her she’s fine. Over the years, I’ve learned to smile and nod while she goes on about her “spells” and “energies.” But recently, things went off the rails.

She started seeing a soothsayer who convinced her that her workplace was full of “dark energy” draining her life force. She was advised to resign immediately and “devote herself to healing.” Against all logic, she quit her stable job, cashed out her pension

Turns out, a few months ago, she met another soothsayer who told her her “life force was being drained by bad energy” and that only a cleansing ritual—for a fee—could save her. Long story short: she gave away nearly her entire pension and savings to this scam artist. Did not tell anyone while going though her “cleansing”.

But here’s the kicker: my husband knew. She told him, swore him to secrecy, and he agreed because “she was embarrassed”. Months ago. And he said nothing. He claims he didn’t want to stress me out and that his mom was “just going through something.”

Fast forward to now: she’s broke, has no savings, no income, and is suddenly turning to us—well, me—for help with groceries, medication, rent, everything. And when I found out? Only because she confessed when she had no money left.

I absolutely lost it. I told my husband it’s insane that he kept this from me and that I feel like I’ve been blindsided into being responsible for someone else’s mess. He says I’m being “heartless” and “it’s not her fault—she was manipulated.” But I say she’s a grown adult who made a choice and hid it while expecting us to clean it up.

So now I’m scrambling to keep our own household afloat and make sure she’s not starving, all because of a decision I had zero say in.

AITA?

AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA

Relevant Comments

OOP and her husband’s ages

OOP: Sorry I never noticed I didn’t put ages. I (32F) husband (33M). I see us supporting her for the next 20-30years.

Commenter 1: NTA

Honestly, to me this is divorce worthy.

Your husband committed “financial infidelity” and now expects you to pay for it.

If I were in your place, I’d be contacting the lawyer and looking for a way to get out of this marriage ASAP. Otherwise, you’ll have his mother take and take while you’re breaking your back to support her. Fuck that.

OOP: I’m really considering it, but i feel that they will say i left because she needs support.

Commenter 2: Why are you scrabbling and not your husband?

OOP: This fool put himself under debt counseling, also without telling me, so his finances are under administration. He couldn’t try even if he wanted

OOP’s MIL needs to look into resources such as food banks and public assistance

OOP: She doesn’t qualify because over here, if you have ever been employed by the government, you don’t qualify for any of the above until you are 60.

And jobs for someone her age are scarce to non-existent. She doesn’t even have a license, so Uber is not possible.

Does OOP know anything about that scammer and “friend” that MIL had mention about?

OOP: Disappeared into thin air. The scammer and her “friend” that introduced her to the scammer are no where to be found.

OOP on her MIL being a soothsayer

OOP: Lmao. I’m starting to think maybe I should give it a try. Honest to God, I knew she was into the whole ancestors and cleansing and stuff, but never thought she would be this gullable. When she resigned, I was told on the last month of serving notice - again, i was the last to know. When I found out the reason, I thought she was being ridiculous, but I thought she needed a break since almost everyone was retiring early. She had no financial commitments, no cat, no dog, so I figured she would be OK. But idol hands are a devils workshop

OOP’s location and how it affects her MIL’s pensions

OOP: Not USA, here if you resign, you get your pension as a bulk payout after taxes. She resigned and did not take early retirement. 2ndly, which house? She lives in what we call a “family house” ie a house left by parents that all siblings have equal share in and cannot sell without all their approval. In short she has no assest because she has never needed anything

I want to respond without giving you too much but we are African, so it’s expected to support our elderly and extended families. If I leave it would be seen as being a bad DIL. Someone who was only there for the good times not bad.

Commenter 3: I would get an attorney and divorce him. You need to protect yourself financially. Meanwhile separate your finances, open a new account. Don’t warn him…make that attorney appointment STAT. you do have a say. You can say NO.

OOP: Planning to. Our finances are not connected. My country does not do Joint accounts and employers prefer to pay into an account with the employees details. I just need to find out what I should expect to happen since I earn more than him and he has zero assets where as I own the house we live in (still mortgaged, though)

OOP on her husband’s family background

OOP: Only child and the only employed one in his generation. We African and tradition does say we must take care of our elders but it’s the lies for me

 

Update: April 13, 2025 (two days later)

Remember my (32F) MIL (56F) who gave her pension to a soothsayer and quit her job? Yeah — it gets worse, I’m embarrassed and I honestly didn’t want to update, but so many people reached out that I have to.

Disclaimer: I did not use AI this time so good luck reading this.

If you read my previous post about my MIL who handed over her pension to a soothsayer claiming to cleanse her of bad energies, quit her job, and left us scrambling to support her — you’ll know I was already nearing my limit with my husband’s (33M) family.

Well… As I said in the comments that I needed to sort through my finances, because even though divorce was the unanimous answer Reddit gave me, I needed to know if financially it was possible.

Backstory: I had a car I couldn’t trade in because of the shortfall. My honest, loving husband suggested leasing it to his brother. I was wary, but he swore it would be fine. We signed a contract, payments came in on time for a while, I got my new car, life went on.

At some point (before the pension thing), DH decided he wanted to take over the house finances. And like a fool, I let him. I slowly watched groceries and bills stop adding up even when I knew i gave him my portion. But things always “worked themselves out,” so I didn’t question it — because in that house, asking questions meant I didn’t trust him.

And now — while reconciling my statements — I realize the car hasn’t had a single payment from his brother in months. The payments were from DH the whole time. And the car’s apparently been “broken” for two months. And guess who knew and never told me? Yup. Husband.

When I found out about the car situation, something in me just broke. Not in a dramatic, plate-smashing, screaming way. Just quietly. Like a balloon finally deflating.

I didn’t argue. I didn’t cry. I just packed a bag for my son (8M), grabbed a few essentials, and went to my mother’s house for the night. And before I left, I told my dear, sweet, loving husband he had the day to package his things.

He’s now moved out. Gone to live with his mother and I’m back in my house. I’m not sure how or what to feel about. I don’t know if this was the right decision, if I’ll regret this, if we’ll ever sort this out. I don’t know if this is me now — single mom in need of a lawyer.

I’m just numb. And maybe that’s okay for now.

Thank you to everyone who listened, aimed for the throat and don’t pull their punches.

Bonus info: He apologized for everything and said he will do better but I stood by the separation and I know I made the right decision because when he left he took some of my groceries because his mother ran out. He still doesn’t get it.

LMFAO. My life is a film with poor casting. I can already see that subway surfer background, because this is honestly rediculous, utterly ridiculous.

That’s all.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: You made the right choice.

This man would have sacrificed your family’s (you and son) finances to enable his relatives.

Promising to do better when you’ve asked him to leave, and then taking you and kiddos food…

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