This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/LucyAriaRose on 2025-04-18 04:00:08+00:00.

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I am NOT the Original Poster. That is SpotIndependent6792. She posted in r/relationship_advice

Thanks to u/BakingGiraffeBakes for the rec!

Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest update is 7 days old. Please read trigger warnings

Trigger Warnings: suicide; manipulation; abuse; destruction of sentimental things

Mood Spoiler: scary and sad BUT OOP is out

Original Post: April 9, 2025

Okay, so it’s totally okay if you go to your partner to talk about things that are upsetting you. Same for them coming to you. I get it, it’s normal to do that.

What my boyfriend of two years does is a bit much. Literally, we were having a completely normal conversation. We were talking about a TV show we really enjoy after I had just gotten off of a twelve-hour shift. I just wanted an easy evening, and I told him that. I told him that right now I don’t have the mental space to deal with anything else on top of what I already am dealing with(a friend of mine just killed herself not even two days ago, and I’m a nurse, so I’m exhausted on top of everything else). It was cool and chill until I stopped talking to turn on said show for us to watch. Then, out of nowhere, he started talking about how much he hated his dad. This would be fine if it didn’t happen every time we spoke.

Like, even on the day I found out my best friend in the entire world killed herself, he started talking about his dad and about how much he doesn’t like him and how he doesn’t feel respected by him and about how much it sucks that his dad won’t change. I get it, not having a good relationship with a parent is hard and I give him the space to talk about it usually, but I just can’t handle it right now. Literally I got off the phone with my friend’s sobbing mom and I was in a weird foggy headspace where nothing felt real. I told him what was up, he said sorry and hugged me, and then not even fifteen minutes later, the same conversation that we’ve had a million times came up again. I ended up just sitting there barely paying attention while he talked at me for over an hour before I excused myself and took a bath.

I told him very bluntly tonight that I really just need a few days to mentally recover, and I don’t believe I’m in the space to comfort him the way he needs, and he totally flipped out on me. He called me a bitch, told me I was completely selfish and that he needs to talk about his dad so he doesn’t obsess over it. He told me I don’t understand what he’s going through because I never had a dad in my life to begin with. I got defensive because that comment hurt my feelings, which made everything worse. I told him that, yeah, I didn’t have a relationship with my dad but I don’t spend every hour of every day talking about it. He ended up screaming at me that I need to shut my fucking mouth and he hit the wall beside my head. Then he got his car keys and drove off, leaving me there. He still isn’t back and it’s 1am. His location is off, he hasn’t returned my phone calls. All I got from him was a concerning text message around 11:30 saying, “You’re completely unempathetic to what I’m going through. I hope you think about your actions.”

I don’t know what to do going forward from here. I want to have a conversation with him about all of this when he gets home, but I don’t even know where to start. This is the first time in our entire relationship where I’ve told him I don’t have the mental space. This is also the first time in our relationship where he’s stormed out like this. I feel guilty because I know the relationship with his dad upsets him, and I absolutely shouldn’t have gotten defensive, but I just don’t have it in me to offer comfort. Is there any other way I can say to him that I don’t have the space?

Update (Same Post): about 12 hours later

Edit/update: I’m not going to lie, the moment comments started coming in about abuse, I felt sick. Luckily the panic I felt lit a fire under my ass. I freaked out, spam called my brother at like two in the morning to wake him up, grabbed my basic essentials and a few bits of clothing and left.

I’m staying at my brother and his husband’s house right now because that’s what they told me to do. I turned off my location, I haven’t returned his calls or texts. He got home an hour ago and started spam calling me when he realized I wasn’t there.

He’s throwing out a lot of apologies and begging right now and I feel completely overwhelmed with guilt and this need to be there for him. But I don’t want to be the thing he hits next.

I just want to say I am eternally grateful for everyone here. And I’m grateful for my brother who was absolutely horrified when I told him what happened and opened his home to me. I’m going to talk to my mom and we’re going to figure out a way to get me out of there and away from him permanently.

Thank you all so much again. I’m going to get some more rest, I just wanted to let everyone know I was safe.

OOP’s Comment:

Commenter: Just read this after the edit, and I want to tell you, as someone old enough to be your mum, how incredibly proud of and impressed by you I am that you immediately took people’s words seriously, took to heart what you were being told about your safety, and called a family member so you could get out quickly and safely.

You are amazing.

I know that the next little while will be tough, and hard on your resolve. But you have already proven yourself smart and resourceful. You deserve so much better than someone who would call you hateful names and put you in physical danger. You deserve someone who is kind and thoughtful and emotionally mature enough to recognize when you are struggling with something and not just dismiss it and start whinging about themselves.

You’re right that partners need to be there for each other, but your BF clearly had no interest in anything that wasn’t about himself.

So proud of you, seriously. Be proud of yourself, too.

OOP: I saw your comment earlier today, and I meant to respond right after you posted it but it made me start crying.

I just came back here because I need you to know how much your words meant to me. Thank you for being proud of me and thank you for your words of support. Thank you.

Top Comment:

avalynkate: nta. leave. he’s abusive.

next time it could be your face, not the wall 2 inches from it.

that’s abuse.

leave. for your safety.

Update Post: April 11, 2025 (2 days later)

Hi, I just wanted to come on here to say one thing: everyone who said he’s abusive was completely correct.

These past 48 hours have been nothing short of a nightmare. My now ex bf started with extremely apologetic texts, telling me how he never meant to react like that, that he’ll get therapy, that he’ll do anything if I just come back home. Once those didn’t get a response, he started getting desperate. There were a lot of threats of suicide, he told me he needed me to drive him to the mental hospital because he didn’t trust himself. At that point I called him and I told him I’d call a welfare check for him, but I won’t be driving him anywhere. Then he got mean, telling me that I should consider myself lucky that he loves me because no one else ever will. He accused me of sleeping around, he told me that my friend killed herself because I neglected her just like I’m neglecting him. That shit broke me. I told him that we’re done and that I need to come get my stuff, so he needs to be out of the apartment. I also told him that I wasn’t coming alone and that my brother and my BIL were coming to help me.

I went to get my things earlier today while he was at work. He trashed my apartment. There were holes in the walls. He destroyed all my clothing. He tore up photos. My makeup is ruined. Anything that he thought might have sentimental value to me is destroyed.

Fuck man.

I took photos of everything. I don’t know what to do about the damage to the actual walls of my apartment or what to do about the lease. I’m thinking of filing a protective order against him in case he starts showing up to my job.

I’m just done. I’m checking out for a while and I’m going to focus on restarting and getting myself back together.