I don’t force anyone to talk i just talk to them normally.
That’s the same thing - you interrupt their day and insert yourself into it by barging in to talk at them, forcing them to have an interaction with you.
Why would i feel guilty for talking to someone?
The fact that you’re asking this is amazing to me. You can’t even imagine it!
To, what? Convince me that being talked at by a stranger when I have my own stuff going on isn’t rude and annoying? I certainly don’t like it when people do that to me!
There are some spaces where being talked to by strangers is acceptable, but just doing it to everyone wherever in another country is alien behavior to me. I honestly don’t get it.
Like, do they just sit next to strangers on the bus and talk at them? I think I’d die!
I’m genuinely confused as to what you think they’re doing. Like, do you assume that they’re just barging into situations where they aren’t welcome? Are you assuming that they’re not using the same tact and discretion that one would use to engage in polite conversation anywhere else? What does it being in another country or language change?
I get the feeling that you don’t do much socializing outside of the internet, so I’ll let you know that yes, it is entirely normal for people to have polite and unexpected conversation in public or wherever. People can choose to disengage if they feel like it. Nobody is being held verbally hostage here. Just because you have difficulty interacting with others and find it annoying when people talk to you doesn’t mean that others feel the same way.
I just don’t want to bother anyone. It’d be rude to interrupt someone while they’re shopping, or on their phone, or walking their dog, or in line, or working, or basically anywhere you’ll run into other people outside of proscribed social situations like clubs.
And clubs I get! Everyone is there to talk to other people, the whole point is to socialize. I’m not sure how you navigate those spaces without already having a group of local friends or already being fluent in the local language (seems dangerous) but I guess someone could go to another country and then start chatting people up in bars to learn. That doesn’t sound like what was being discussed, though. It sounds like they’re just bothering random people because they think everyone wants to be their friend.
I basically have no idea how a person moves to another country and just starts talking at other people.
I basically have no idea how a person moves to another country and just starts talking at other people.
The same way you talk to people in any new place you move to, regardless of if it’s the same country, state, or even city.
It sounds like they’re just bothering random people because they think everyone wants to be their friend.
I don’t think that’s what was being talked about at all. That said, that’s not always a bad thing either! Sometimes it is ok to just go up to random people and talk to them. If they engage with you, then great, you have a conversation. If they don’t, then you take a hint and walk away.
I apologize for making assumptions here, but I’m guessing that you’re a) on the autism spectrum (so am I), and b) have social anxiety at least partly because of it (I definitely did). But, it’s not always rude to just go up to someone and talk to them. Honestly, there are situations where it can be appropriate in nearly any context.
I think it’s generally an autistic thing to come up with a set of internal guidelines that we use to determine when and when not to talk to someone. Sometimes those guidelines end up erring too far on the side of “don’t do, too risky”.
I know it can be hard to figure out how to navigate social situations, especially since learning requires doing and that’s the scary part, but the only way to learn is to put yourself in those situations in the first place. Just remember that for neurotypical people, whether or not something is appropriate is purely “vibes-based”, using a set of fuzzy guidelines they don’t even know they have. If you can figure out even approximately what those guidelines are, you’ll be ok in the vast majority of situations.
It’s perfectly normal to bother other people and then force them to tell you to go away, but let’s not pretend this is perfectly polite. It’s reasonable enough and not too rude of an imposition, but it’s not perfect. Y’all do it to me all the time, and I promise you I really don’t like it. I have to assume I’m not an alien, there are other people similar to me who also don’t want to be bothered.
Add in the complication of moving to another country and not being fluent in the language? I think I’d just become a shut-in.
Dude you got issues if you can’t talk to people. How do you accomplish any task without interacting with people? And why learn a second language if you arent going to talk to others in said language?
Everyone has different comfort levels when interacting with people. Try and find situations where you feel it would be less of a bother. For example, if Spanish is a language you are learning, you can go to a Spanish or Latin American restaurant, and mention you want to practice. It is worth asking if the server speaks the language, so as not to assume.
Yes but it’s not fair to assume that everyone else is as averse to interaction as you are. Many people enjoy polite conversation as a distraction from the drudgery of their job.
Then you stop the interaction and it’s ultimately harmless. Should we pass up any and all opportunities to have meaningful interaction with people just on the chance that they don’t want to be bothered?
Generally, you pass on the situations where it’s likely that they want to be left alone. For most people, it’s not hard to tell.
That’s the same thing - you interrupt their day and insert yourself into it by barging in to talk at them, forcing them to have an interaction with you.
The fact that you’re asking this is amazing to me. You can’t even imagine it!
No joke, you should go to therapy for that.
Average .ml user
wow it’s like I never left reddit 🥲
Remember the phrase “if everywhere you go smells like shit…”
It doesn’t smell like shit when I avoid reddit.world
I wonder why that is? 🤔
To, what? Convince me that being talked at by a stranger when I have my own stuff going on isn’t rude and annoying? I certainly don’t like it when people do that to me!
There are some spaces where being talked to by strangers is acceptable, but just doing it to everyone wherever in another country is alien behavior to me. I honestly don’t get it.
Like, do they just sit next to strangers on the bus and talk at them? I think I’d die!
You’re getting mad about imaginary situations. It’s kind of pathetic.
Just confused. Where does someone in another country go to just talk to people without being annoying or rude? I can’t imagine it.
I’m genuinely confused as to what you think they’re doing. Like, do you assume that they’re just barging into situations where they aren’t welcome? Are you assuming that they’re not using the same tact and discretion that one would use to engage in polite conversation anywhere else? What does it being in another country or language change?
I get the feeling that you don’t do much socializing outside of the internet, so I’ll let you know that yes, it is entirely normal for people to have polite and unexpected conversation in public or wherever. People can choose to disengage if they feel like it. Nobody is being held verbally hostage here. Just because you have difficulty interacting with others and find it annoying when people talk to you doesn’t mean that others feel the same way.
I just don’t want to bother anyone. It’d be rude to interrupt someone while they’re shopping, or on their phone, or walking their dog, or in line, or working, or basically anywhere you’ll run into other people outside of proscribed social situations like clubs.
And clubs I get! Everyone is there to talk to other people, the whole point is to socialize. I’m not sure how you navigate those spaces without already having a group of local friends or already being fluent in the local language (seems dangerous) but I guess someone could go to another country and then start chatting people up in bars to learn. That doesn’t sound like what was being discussed, though. It sounds like they’re just bothering random people because they think everyone wants to be their friend.
I basically have no idea how a person moves to another country and just starts talking at other people.
The same way you talk to people in any new place you move to, regardless of if it’s the same country, state, or even city.
I don’t think that’s what was being talked about at all. That said, that’s not always a bad thing either! Sometimes it is ok to just go up to random people and talk to them. If they engage with you, then great, you have a conversation. If they don’t, then you take a hint and walk away.
I apologize for making assumptions here, but I’m guessing that you’re a) on the autism spectrum (so am I), and b) have social anxiety at least partly because of it (I definitely did). But, it’s not always rude to just go up to someone and talk to them. Honestly, there are situations where it can be appropriate in nearly any context.
I think it’s generally an autistic thing to come up with a set of internal guidelines that we use to determine when and when not to talk to someone. Sometimes those guidelines end up erring too far on the side of “don’t do, too risky”.
I know it can be hard to figure out how to navigate social situations, especially since learning requires doing and that’s the scary part, but the only way to learn is to put yourself in those situations in the first place. Just remember that for neurotypical people, whether or not something is appropriate is purely “vibes-based”, using a set of fuzzy guidelines they don’t even know they have. If you can figure out even approximately what those guidelines are, you’ll be ok in the vast majority of situations.
Since when has speaking to another human been rude?
If I don’t want you to talk to me and then you decide to bother me anyway, what would we call that? Seems rude to me.
Now, how do you know random strangers want to talk to you? Do you just assume everyone wants to be your friend?
No, it’s just perfectly normal to talk to people and if they don’t want to talk they express that.
“Excuse me, have you got a minute?” “No” “Okay, thank you”
Is perfectly polite.
It’s perfectly normal to bother other people and then force them to tell you to go away, but let’s not pretend this is perfectly polite. It’s reasonable enough and not too rude of an imposition, but it’s not perfect. Y’all do it to me all the time, and I promise you I really don’t like it. I have to assume I’m not an alien, there are other people similar to me who also don’t want to be bothered.
Add in the complication of moving to another country and not being fluent in the language? I think I’d just become a shut-in.
Dude you got issues if you can’t talk to people. How do you accomplish any task without interacting with people? And why learn a second language if you arent going to talk to others in said language?
I just don’t want to bother anyone.
I can still listen.
Everyone has different comfort levels when interacting with people. Try and find situations where you feel it would be less of a bother. For example, if Spanish is a language you are learning, you can go to a Spanish or Latin American restaurant, and mention you want to practice. It is worth asking if the server speaks the language, so as not to assume.
I feel like servers’ jobs are hard enough without me heaping more work on them.
Yes but it’s not fair to assume that everyone else is as averse to interaction as you are. Many people enjoy polite conversation as a distraction from the drudgery of their job.
Actually, that is the only fair assumption. Otherwise I have to bother them first to find out that they don’t want to be bothered.
Then you stop the interaction and it’s ultimately harmless. Should we pass up any and all opportunities to have meaningful interaction with people just on the chance that they don’t want to be bothered?
Generally, you pass on the situations where it’s likely that they want to be left alone. For most people, it’s not hard to tell.
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