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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/EyeGlad3032 on 2025-04-19 11:38:57+00:00.
I am not The OOP, OOP is u//MrAlphaNu
Original BoRU by u/TheTitanCoeus
My (21M) ex-girlfriend (19F) committed suicide… I’m a firefighter and had find her body
TWs: Suicide, Trauma, Substance Abuse (Implied), Self-Harm, Emotional Distress
MOOD SPOILER: depressing
Original Post December 11, 2018
I’m sorry for how long the story is…
EDIT: I know its a roller-coaster of a story and its almost unbelievably bad so i know people may feel its fake. But a 30 second google search with the info in this story finds news articles about it online.
When I was 16 years old (a junior in high school) I was a huge nerd. The only thing I would do is play WoW and run track. That year I made a friend on the track team named Erik who would invite me to parties. I was hesitant and kind of awkward but I started to hang out with his friends and go to his parties. That got me out of my shell a lot, I finally had a life, but retained to my awkward self.
In his friend group I met a girl named Lydia, she was kind, a great artist, and extremely empathetic. She worked at Rite Aid (a drug store) and when she found out one of her co-workers couldnt afford school supplies for her son Lydia took half of her pay and gave it to her to help her co-workers son out. Lydia saw the best in me. Behind my awkward and nerdy exterior she saw someone who wanted to be accepted. She liked me a lot and wanted to be with me. During this time junior prom was approaching and so i asked her to be my date and she said yes and we ended up dating not long after. It was great for a while, to have someone interested in me was a new feeling. But not long after problems arose…
She had a lot of mental health issues relating to depression and she would take issues she had and put it on me. We were on and off because of it due to her not trusting me or her feeling like i dont have time for her. I was a good student and would focus on school and it didnt go well with her. The worst story i have is one time we broke up and i was going to a party with a different group of friends, she messaged me that day asking to talk about things and i invited her to the party. She then got with someone else there right in front of me. It was devastating and really starting to affect my mental health too. There was one point where she ended up going to the hospital for suicidal thoughts and i was there for her and that made her fall in love with me. Before she treated me as disposable and just like all the other guys but this was concrete how i care. She from then on treated me better but the sediment of mental abuse stuck with me.
Senior year i joined my local fire department and ended up going to fire school. I was back to having no life because fire school was Tuesday nights and Saturday for 7 months. On Friday I’d go to bed early cause i would need to be up at 6am for a fire school and i would get back at 5pm and fall asleep cause i was physically exhausted. The arguments started again because of how busy i was and i broke it off…
Lets fast forward to my sophomore year of college. I’m going to school in NH (I live in NJ) and she messaged me on facebook telling me her one regret is how bad she treated me and apologized. I forgave her because i understand her mental health issues and it taught me about red flags in relationships. From then on she would message me randomly about little things, such as how i was doing, what video games im playing etc. every conversation always ended i her trying to meet up again and i didnt want to. I didnt trust the situation… The last text i got was this January when me and her talked about Fallout 4 and how she wouldnt play it because she didnt want to see Dogmeat get hurt because she loved dogs. i told her “You will protect him with your life until you find out hes immortal” and thats the last thing i ever got to say to her…
February 15th 2018: I wake up for my 9:40am class, while getting ready i get a fire call (I get text messages from dispatch in case your pager is broken) at 9:10am. It stated: MISSING PERSON 19 Y/O FEMALE [Lydia’s address]. My heart sank, i called my fire chief and he told me to contact her friends to see where she might be, but he also told me she might not be alive. I go into a conference room at my university and start calling and messaging all of her friends. They gave me a rundown of the past 6 months:
She started dating a guy named Jim who was a heroin addict. He abused her mentally and physically and gave her drugs she has never done before. He also stole thousands from her. She was saving up for a trip to India to see her friend who is studying abroad there and he just took all of it. She stayed with him because she was “just lonely and he gave her attention” It made me sick. She got out of the hospital for suicidal thoughts. Before she went missing she was at his place. Dispatch got Jims address and phone number and he played dumb about everything during the interrogation.
Once i was done with the interviews i started driving all the way home to NJ from NH to help with the search. While stuck in CT traffic i get a call from my chief
“You don’t have to come home anymore, we found her”
“thats great news.”
“Its not MrAlphaNu, Im really sorry to tell you this, but she hung herself” (he was a lot nicer than this, im just paraphrasing)
I was distraught, and even worse than that i got calls from her friends not too long after asking for updates. I had to tell her best friends that she hung herself in the woods. It was heartbreaking to me to have to mourn and tell her friends what happened.
That night i drank at my firehouse bar and got hammered because i didnt know how else to cope with what happened that day. My fire dept buddies were there taking care of me and they had one job: dont let me see dispatch notes because it contained texts, where the body was found, and Jims address and number. But i snuck away and read everything. The last text she sent was “This is not your fault” to Jim. who didnt respond. he didnt fucking respond when lydia was suicidal and basically said she will kill herself.
If you’re still reading, this story gets worse, im sorry. I go to Lydias family and it turns out Lydia left me a suicide note. it stated that she always loved and missed me and to live a good life.
I was a mess. I cant believe i didnt meet up with someone who cared so much about me. I cant believe Jim and how fucked up he is. I should have messaged her stating shes better than him and to leave that scumbag…
RELEVANT COMMENTS
babygee529
I’m very sorry you’re going through this. Please try not to be hard on yourself, though. Mental health issues are one hell of an enemy. Coming from a girl who knows. Sending all the positive vibes I have.
OOP
Thank you, at first i was heard on myself until i talked to one of my friends. he told me how she didnt write that note to make you feel bad, but because you made a good impact on your life. and that really stuck with me
~
T400
Maryland firefighter here (check my post history). If your dept or union has an employee assistance program (EAP), or a critical incident stress management team, or dept chaplain/counseling office, please contact them. This is exactly what they are here for.
OOP
This wasnt during a break so i had to go back to school the following day. My chief said i should talk to them but i ended up using my universities counseling services instead. everything has been going great with that
Update June 17, 2019 (6 months later)
Its been a bit over 6 months since I posted that story and I want to give you a quick update on my life. Im on mobile so I apologize if it makes it harder to read.
TL;DR My ex girlfriend got into an abusive relationship with a drug addict. She was dealing with depression for a while and killed herself. I am a firefighter in NJ, but go to school in NH. I received the call and conducted research to find her. I drove back down to help with the search. We found her body in the woods and she wrote me a suicide note.
Where i left off was me upset about the situation and upset with the world, and most importantly, upset with myself. I was in a dark place for a while after that. I drank and shunned out everyone but my friends who were helping me. For a good amount of time I distanced myself from any girl who I met.
The funeral wasnt long after and Jim didnt even show up. Im not sure if he was invited, but it just shows the type of guy he is.
I didnt feel comfortable with dating anyone, let alone even hooking up with them. It felt wrong and i was scared i would get close to someone and lose them again. The depression i felt was destructive.
My chief reached out to me not long after because I never told him how I knew her. He asked me to see a therapist and that he can set up a visit at the firehouse. I was in NH so i told him ill see my college counsel…
Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1k2ub0w/my_21m_exgirlfriend_19f_committed_suicide_im_a/
My chief reached out to me not long after because I never told him how I knew her. He asked me to see a therapist and that he can set up a visit at the firehouse. I was in NH so i told him ill see my college counseling center and send him confirmation.
I lied, i sent him a fake email and he believed me. I had this notion that i dont need help because i help people.
After 3 months i was still depressed but i started to talk to girls again. I met this really nice girl named Sarah. We talked and even hooked up a couple times. After a month and a half she asked if we could start dating. I told her i couldnt. I told her my story and said i dont feel comfortable being close with anyone. She took it well and still wanted to talk, but i couldnt anymore. I felt as if she crossed a line in my mind and we couldnt go back. I didnt want to be close with anyone like that again.
Fast forward another month my friend Kelsey asked if i wanted to go to her sorority formal with one of her friends. I accepted and thats when i met Kristen. Kristen was perfect, she was really sweet and a great date. We ended up talking for a while and this time i decided it was time to be proactive. I opened up to her about what happened to me and i told her i want to take it very slow. She completely understood, instead of scaring her off she helped me more than anyone has ever had.
She convinced me that avoiding therapy is a bad move, and that there is no shame in seeking counseling. So i made an appointment and went. The therapist told me about a suicide prevention org on campus that i should join and tell my story. I joined them and they had suicide prevention events where people tell their stories to help others.
I did my first story and Kristen and a bunch of my friends went to support me. It was one of the most touching moments of my life standing up on that stage and seeing all those people. I continued doing these events and Kristen went to every single one.
After 6 months i told her im ready to start dating, but to understand that i may be distant at first because im not use to this. She understood. Weve been together for 8 months and shes amazing. Shes nicest and most supportive person ive ever met.
Every time im in NJ i go to Lydias house and support her mom. On Christmas i got a crew to come to her house and deliver presents to her moms boyfriends autistic son and her nephews.
The way i was able to get relief for my pain was helping others. And if it wasnt for Kristen i wouldnt have the guidance to do it.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
mdisomwnaje
I’m happy for you, but I feel a little bad for Sarah.
GrinsNGiggles
I’m more concerned for Kristin. Guys being too tough for therapy but then unloading all that emotional work onto their female romantic partners is classic, but not at all fun to be on the receiving end of.
~
jsh1138
so you had been dating Kristen for 2 months when you made the other thread?
[deleted]
when he made the other thread, he was revering to " February 15th 2018". So with the time periods he gives us it roughly fits. he didnt talk to girls for 2-3 months, then took around 6 months till they started dating. That would make it octobre or novembre when they started dating which is now 8 months ago. his first post is 6 monts old, so yes, they were together 2 months already. Maybe he shared it also because irl he learned that sharing his story can help other people.
editors note: a commentor made a list of the entire events here
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
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