This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2025-04-19 04:00:06+00:00.

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I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Inner-Rutabaga2055

Originally posted to r/AITAH

AITAH for wanting to back out of doing my SIL and favor cause I don’t like that she installed cameras to be on the safe side.

Thanks to u/SloshingSloth for suggesting this BoRU

Trigger Warnings: invasion of privacy, emotional distress

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Original Post: April 8, 2025

My wife use to get our niece ready and take her to daycare every Friday since she was off and her sister had to be at woek by 6:30 and daycaee did not open until 7. My wife’s work schedule changed and she could no longer do it. So I offered to change my schedule around to start work at 10. We have been doing this for aroind four months. My SIL has voiced no concerns and when she calls I always answer.

We recently found out she installed cameras in her house when my wife brought it up she told her you never know. I will be honest I was taken aback cause she has had no complaints in the past but now she wants to have cameras because you never know?

My wife did ask her sister have i done anything that made her concerned or worried, she told no but it was a safety issue once agains she told my wife you never know.

At this point i told my wife i dont want to go into her house I dont feel comfortable being in a home or around her daughter if she is that concerned.

My wife agrees it is weird also considering I have known her sister for over 16 years. Others think i am blowing out of proportion but I dont like how she assumes the worst of me cause i am male. She told my wife she had no concerns when she was doing it.

AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA

Relevant Comments

How did OOP find out about the cameras?

OOP: As for how we found out I saw them, which is why my wife asked about them.

Commenter 1: I think you are taking it too personally, in this day and age no one can ever really be too safe. If you otherwise have a good relationship with SIL and Niece this really isn’t worth tanking the relationship over. Maybe share with SIL that you wish she had informed you if the cameras as it feels like a breech of privacy… but she hasn’t accused you of anything so she isn’t slighting your character.

OOP: To me the action of installing the camera is a blow. My wife has been babysitting and doing this for years she had no need for cameras or safety concerns but with me suddenly has the urge? That hurts a lot and is hard to not take it personally.

She even told my wife you never know. Means she thinks a part of me is capable of hurting my niece. That hurts a lot.

OOP on how he is feeling about the cameras after he started to help with his niece

OOP: i am worked up because my wife has watched our niece for years did the whole getting her ready for daycare for years my SIL never once installed cameras. i come into the picture all she is concerned? Part that gets me is she waited so long, and told my wife you never know. That hurts, means a part of her thinks i am a risk.

Downvoted Commenter: What’s so uncomfortable about a woman protecting her home? Or anyone for that matter?

I’m actually concerned for your wife cause if my SO had this reaction, I’d be pausing majorly.

OOP: Think you are missing my point. If this was a general safety thing she would have done this a lot sooner. She also would not have told my wife it was because you never know.

Even my wife was taken aback by her sisters response and reasoning. As stated if I had any doubts or thoughts a person was capable of causing harm I would not let them in my house let alone be around my child alone. That is how i would have handled this.

Commenter 2: You’re making a huge assumption. Maybe the “you never know” is about a home invasion or some other crime that could happen.

You assuming it has anything to do with you or wanting to quit over it kind of makes it seem like you are worried about them.

OOP: My wife did ask if she had concerns or worries but she told her you never know. It is not a leap this is what she told my wife and yes my wife was taken aback when she told her reasoning also.

If this was a general safety issue she had years to do, my wife has been doing what I am doing for years prior.

 

Update: April 12, 2025 (four days later)

I do appreciate the feedback and differing perspectives, i did speak with my SIL with my wife and to say the least it was enlightening. I did ask my SIL why the sudden urge to install cameras, as she told my wife she said it was for safety purposes since you never know. My wife did push back and asked her ro elaborate as to what she meant. My SIL tried to avoid answering directly but my wife kept pushing and finally she did admit she was nor comfortable with me changing her daughter unsupervised. At this point I asked my SIL if she truly felt I would harm her daughter she honestly shrugged her shoulders.

This annoyed me but it did piss off my wife. My wife once again pushed the issue and it turns out my SIL was never comfortable with me watching her daughter and felt betrayed by my wife because she changed up an arrangement that worked. She said I was far to eager to change my work schedule to take over Fridays it came off as insistent. I told her yes I was insistent because I did not want my wife to give up on an opportunity because she felt beholden to an arrangement she made with her.

After that exchange I told my SIL I would no longer take her daughter to daycare. This happened on Wednesday she took off last Friday. So long story short she never wanted me to watch her daughter unsupervised, found it strange how eager I was to rearrange my Fridays to be with my niece. My wife’s family is thinks i am being weird and creepy.

My wife had one last final conversation with her sister on Friday and apparently it got ugly since my SIL did call to apologize and I did appreciate that but I told either you trust me or you don’t. Since she does not I did recommend me finds someone that she does trust so she can be at ease. She tried to give me a sob story how we are being unfair towards her, all she was trying to do was keep her daughter safe. I told her best way for her to do that was to find someone else she trusts to handle Fridays or change her job schedule.

I was going to originally offer as some suggested she brings her daughter to us before she heads to work, but after the conversation I decided it was best for everyone I took a stepback. I don’t know what will come of this in terms of the family since most think I am being unreasonable, but my wife and I agree that if she is not comfortable with me it is not our duty to make her comfortable.

Thanks again.

Update: I did want to point out that as many have said yeah my wife is awesome. Some have asked why am I not upset, I am upset but more so hurt. Not just because of what was said about me but more so because this situation will forever alter the relationship we have with hee family and I know that hurts my wife a lot. We love our niece but I know my wife and her have a special bond that is her God child. So I am more so hurt this has created a rift that will probably never be mended.

Relevant / Top Comments

OOP’s thoughts on the aftermath of the whole situation

OOP: I am upset, but it being overshadowed by the hurt. I have known my SIL for 16 years, and it has been a major blow to think she is that afraid of me because I am a guy.

Commenter 1: This is so awful, I’m sorry. Just to brace you, she or the extended family might jump to the (unreasonable) conclusion that if you’re not willing to help out because of cameras then you must have been doing something you don’t want seen. Be prepared for that accusation: explain that what changed wasn’t the cameras, it was that you learned how she sees you. You thought she’d appreciate you inconveniencing yourself to make her life easier, and instead she assumed horrible things about you.

You aren’t interested in helping someone who doesn’t respect you, and you’re not willing to risk your own safety if she’s willing to jump to such conclusions without reasonable cause.

OOP: They already have, that is what hurts the most cause this will forever alter the relationship we have with their family.

Commenter 2: Good for you and your wife. She stuck up for you and you are holding your boundaries. This is on SIL to fix the dynamic. If she doesn’t trust you then you never need to be involved with helping care for her kids. She is an adult and can figure her shit out herself.

Commenter 3: If your wife’s family thinks you’re being “weird and creepy”, all the more reason to avoid all contact with them.

Commenter 4: NTA she basically said she thinks you’re a creep but still expected you to do her a favor. You set a boundary after being disrespected and somehow you’re the weird one? Nah if she doesn’t trust you, she can find someone else and deal with the consequences.

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP